Rabbi's Musings

Dear Friends, I have an announcement to make: I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5-year-old again.

• I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it is a four-star restaurant.

• I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.

• I want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them.

• I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.

• I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

• I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.

• I want to think the world is fair.

• I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all I knew about were colors, multiplication tables and nursery rhymes. When I didn’t know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.

• I want to think that a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill because it is prettier and weighs more. • I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

• I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things in life again.

• I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the tooth fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and God are the strongest people in the world.

So, here is my smartphone and my car keys, my credit cards and the bills, my 401K statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments, my e-mail address, computer, and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you’ll have to catch me ’cause, tag! You’re it!

Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to be a kid again. You know the movie about Peter Pan that Steven Spielberg made? Peter has married Wendy and grown up. He only rediscovers his true nature after meeting Captain Hook again and rescuing his kids. The movie celebrates the child inside the man.

But I will tell you a secret: even though Judaism celebrates many things in a childlike way, and loves children, the main message of Judaism is this: grow up and act with wisdom. This, you might guess is not nearly as fun. And you’d be right. Being a grown-up means dealing with reality, and that doesn’t sound so wonderful, especially these days. Here is the sad lesson that adulthood brings: life is filled with pain and disappointment. Often things don’t go our way. “No” is the answer we get when we really want to hear “yes.”

Growing up means dealing with rejection and failure. There can be major setbacks, divorce, infertility, and bereavement, losing your job, crippling illness, betrayal by friends. Each of these disappointments leaves scars. And the bitterness stings. Growing up these days means dealing with the harsh realities of economic struggle in addition to all the other pressures.

There are many more reported illnesses and anxieties due to our circumstances. Right now, in fact, some psychology articles are beginning to label the symptoms connected with anxiety about the economy as “post-traumatic embitterment disorder” — PTED for short. Recent literature describes PTED as the reaction to a negative but not life-threatening event, such as workplace conflict, sudden unemployment, loss of social status or separation from one’s social group. PTED is real. And so we must address it. The bitterness is real. And the resentment. And if our Judaism cannot help us change our reality so easily, at least it should help us reframe it so we can avoid the toxic bitterness of the soul.

But how do we “strengthen our hearts” and avoid PTED when we’re anxious about our daily lives? How can our practice of mindful living inoculate us from such bitterness? I do not believe that God sends us difficulties to make us stronger. Nor do I think that God can swoop down and change our reality for us. So, what is God’s role in our confronting life’s challenges? Here is what I do believe: God will not answer our prayers with timely deposits in Swiss bank accounts, but God can help us place our troubles in a more spiritual perspective. For me God is a reminder that, while we cannot control what happens to us, we can manage how we respond.